Why aren’t people more honest about how hard marriage is?

October 2, 2015

Last week I was trolling through my facebook feed (as one tends to do at 10+ something at night when you are avoiding work) when I came across a post that was tagged by a dear friend of mine.

The post was about an open letter that a woman had written to her husband about “getting through the tough child rearing years and trying to keep their relationship together through it all so that they could still be together 10/20/30 years down the road”.

It seemed somewhat intriguing, and considering the last year i’ve had, I wanted to read something raw and vulnerable and honest and make me feel like there is hope that this will all get better?

But, the post disappointed me. She sucked me in, and then it was like she “Instagram” filtered out the wrinkly, dirty, really real parts of her story (much like most of our lives on social media/blogging these days non?).


Actually, I kind of feel that way about most of what I read or see these days. People aren’t willing to share true vulnerability and feel the need to filter over the dirty, ugly parts of life. All we see are picture perfect lives being lived by picture perfect people, and I needed to take a break from all of that for awhile.

And hell, i’m guilty of it too, but I promise to try to change that, especially here on the blog.

But I digress. Go give the open letter a quick read but promise to come on back when you’re done ok?


Sooooo…what do YOU think?

I understand the sentiment behind what the author is saying, and I was “head-nodding” and saying “amen, sister – I can relate” as I read until I got to this….

“This is not to say I am unhappy. This is the life I’ve always dreamed of. I love nothing more than you and our children. Exhaustion from your beautiful lives is better than anything I can think of.” 

Then she lost me. Then I kind of got angry. I felt duped! I mean REALLY? You really, honestly love when your days are filled with the endless demands of the kids, no privacy, no time for yourself, bickering with your spouse about EVERYTHING, and quality time comes only in the form of sitting in silence or playing on your smart phones? What hope do you have of staying connected in 20 years when you can’t stay connected now? On any level? Silence is not ok.

Just say it. Be honest and say it. You’re unhappy right now. And it sucks. It’s not beautiful and it’s not what you dreamed of and you’d rather be 3000 other places than there with your family right now.

I’ve been there too and it does suck. The bickering, the disappointments, the silence, and days that feel like years and the distance that builds from years of not truly communicating and hoping that things will “just get better one day”. Cause trust me, it doesn’t and at some point down the line you realize that you let it go too far. And that my friends really does suck.

Since last week, when I first drafted this post, the author has written a follow-up to her open letter that actually does dig a bit deeper into her past and her relationship and gets a bit more honest and that I can appreciate (well, maybe except for the really religious bits…..).

So keep it coming peeps, and keep it real! Life is messy and dirty but we are all in this together, warts and all.

You Might Also Like


  • Reply Alison October 2, 2015 at 10:03 am

    It can be so hard to be truly authentic on social media for sure.

    • Reply Christine October 2, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      It’s so hard isn’t it. It makes me so depressed sometimes seeing everyones picture perfect life. And then I thought “I do the same damn thing and that must stop” #KeepItReal

  • Reply qwertygirl October 2, 2015 at 10:47 am

    So many people feel the need to make everything appear hunky dory. It’s OK to be mad/sad/bad. We need to give ourselves permission to do it.

    • Reply Christine October 2, 2015 at 9:28 pm

      Exactly. That’s my mission not just this month but foreves…. 🙂

  • Reply Nikki October 2, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    I’ve talked to so many people about this same article. I liked it because I could relate to so many parts of it but you’re right…totally Instagrammed a lot of the real parts out. Fact is, some people aren’t happy and it doesn’t get better and they can’t just say it’s that down period of life because they’re actually. not. happy. Anyhow, we’re all guilty of being glossy at times but I sure appreciate finding those dirty, messy, unhappy, not perfect posts out there.

    • Reply Christine October 2, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      I know right. #KeepItReal

  • Reply Sarah @ Sarah on Purpose October 2, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    I couldn’t agree more! I was just telling my MIL the other night that my Facebook life was not my real life. It’s just the best parts made sparkly for an audience.

  • Reply leslie October 2, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    I just usually post when I find something funny or that made me think and so may make someone else laugh or make them think. I’m not trying to make my life seem sparkly because those who know me, know my life isn’t sparkly.

  • Reply leslie October 2, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    wicked of you to share. I like hearing the real stuff. I don’t share when it’s really shitty b/c people will send 911 to my home on a monthly basis…

  • Reply Shirley October 4, 2015 at 8:23 am

    Christine–thank YOU. I woke up this morning and read a fb post from a friend about “collective vulnerabilty”. Your words landed on my screen at a time when I really needed them. xo

    • Reply Christine October 4, 2015 at 8:35 am

      Stay strong sista xo

    Leave a Reply