When was the last time you really felt fear? And when you did, what did you do about it? Did you back away from the challenge so you wouldn’t get hurt or did you face your fear head on?
Quite often while on my bike I am confronted with fear – like the “I am going to puke and my heart is pounding and everything in my body is saying STOP STOP” kind of fear. But in order to push forward, to grow and to learn, I literally armour myself up and prepare myself to take a fall. And do I ever take falls. Quite literally, ouch. It bloody well hurts.
And you know what, in the not so distant past, I would have backed down from an epic challenge. I would have given into fear and taken the safe way out of the situation. But I have been working a lot of confronting my fears lately (in all areas of my life) and being ok with “feeling all the feels” even the gross icky really bad feeling ones.
I fear not being good at this whole “blogging” thing and that i’ll never really make a go of it, but I have joined a “post-every-bloody-day-and-get-over-yourself” group that will give me the swift kick in the a** that I sorely need.
I fear rejection at work and take things WAY too personally. I fear that people will think i’m a fraud, since that is exactly what I think about myself most of the time. But despite this, I still pitch projects I have no business pitching and sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. And that’s ok. The world does not end, and my bruised ego heals up pretty darn quick – especially after a glass or two of vino.
I fear what people think of me. My self worth is still way too dependent on external validation which is really sad at this point in my life. Like don’t text me me back and i’ll automatically assume that you hate me or are mad at me for some reason. Geez, am I am 16 yr old girl or what?
I fear getting older. Ugh, do I ever. I fear that people judge me for being a poser, or that i’m “way too old” to be dressing like that, or for riding my bike, or shredding down a mountain. Or for even saying “shred” at my age. Le sigh.
I fear the Fall and the changing of the seasons. I can practically feel my seratonin levels plummet as fast as the falling leaves. And I fear what that could mean. So i’ll pedal my bike, and feel the feels, and drink the drinks and talk to friends and get the heck through it one day at a time.
I fear confrontation and being really vulnerable. I hate having hard conversations. I hate hurting peoples feelings. It makes me all want to barf, so I avoid it at all costs. But that has gotten me into quite a bit of trouble of late, so line up those whiskey shots bartender or whatever it takes for me to stay open and honest moving forward.
I fear regret. Man do I fear regret. And if I am given the chance to go back and correct past mistakes/regrets ala “My Name is Earl” then I will do it with no hesitation. Especially as the years roll by and I take inventory about things I may or may not have done for all the reasons listed above.
So it’s time to pull up my big girl panties and give fear the big middle finger.
Except for the BearSpider, then I will run.