What happened that time I faced my fears

October 1, 2015

evolution-of-our-greatest-fear_o_879432

When was the last time you really felt fear? And when you did, what did you do about it? Did you back away from the challenge so you wouldn’t get hurt or did you face your fear head on?

Quite often while on my bike I am confronted with fear – like the “I am going to puke and my heart is pounding and everything in my body is saying STOP STOP” kind of fear. But in order to push forward, to grow and to learn, I literally armour myself up and prepare myself to take a fall. And do I ever take falls. Quite literally, ouch. It bloody well hurts.

And you know what, in the not so distant past, I would have backed down from an epic challenge. I would have given into fear and taken the safe way out of the situation. But I have been working a lot of confronting my fears lately (in all areas of my life) and being ok with “feeling all the feels” even the gross icky really bad feeling ones.

I fear not being good at this whole “blogging” thing and that i’ll never really make a go of it, but I have joined a “post-every-bloody-day-and-get-over-yourself” group that will give me the swift kick in the a** that I sorely need.

I fear rejection at work and take things WAY too personally. I fear that people will think i’m a fraud, since that is exactly what I think about myself most of the time. But despite this, I still pitch projects I have no business pitching and sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. And that’s ok. The world does not end, and my bruised ego heals up pretty darn quick – especially after a glass or two of vino.

I fear what people think of me. My self worth is still way too dependent on external validation which is really sad at this point in my life. Like don’t text me me back and i’ll automatically assume that you hate me or are mad at me for some reason. Geez, am I am 16 yr old girl or what?

I fear getting older. Ugh, do I ever. I fear that people judge me for being a poser, or that i’m “way too old” to be dressing like that, or for riding my bike, or shredding down a mountain. Or for even saying “shred” at my age. Le sigh.

I fear the Fall and the changing of the seasons. I can practically feel my seratonin levels plummet as fast as the falling leaves. And I fear what that could mean. So i’ll pedal my bike, and feel the feels, and drink the drinks and talk to friends and get the heck through it one day at a time.

I fear confrontation and being really vulnerable. I hate having hard conversations. I hate hurting peoples feelings. It makes me all want to barf, so I avoid it at all costs. But that has gotten me into quite a bit of trouble of late, so line up those whiskey shots bartender or whatever it takes for me to stay open and honest moving forward.

I fear regret. Man do I fear regret. And if I am given the chance to go back and correct past mistakes/regrets ala “My Name is Earl” then I will do it with no hesitation. Especially as the years roll by and I take inventory about things I may or may not have done for all the reasons listed above.

So it’s time to pull up my big girl panties and give fear the big middle finger.

Except for the BearSpider, then I will run.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Might Also Like

21 Comments

  • Reply Greg October 1, 2015 at 7:52 am

    Well you do a good job of hiding it from your nieces. They consider you to be some sort of demigod superhero.

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 8:24 am

      xoxoxox and I feel the same way about them!

  • Reply Sarah @ Sarah on Purpose October 1, 2015 at 7:54 am

    Yup I would for sure run from the fear spider as well… I actually just wrote on fear myself. http://www.sarahonpurpose.com/fear-and-leaping-wholemama/ Thanks for the reminder to push through fear.

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 8:26 am

      Awesome. heading over to check it out! 🙂

  • Reply Glynis October 1, 2015 at 8:41 am

    Beautiful, vulnerable piece. Keep going!

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 9:49 am

      Little assholes. I love it. Hee!

  • Reply qwertygirl October 1, 2015 at 8:50 am

    All good writers think they suck. I’m always suspicious of people who tell me how awesome they are–if they have to tell me, I suspect it’s because there’d be no other way to know it, because they are in fact NOT awesome. I have all the same fears–you’re not alone!

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 9:51 am

      I’m totally ok with being ok…none of this writing or talking stuff comes at all naturally for me. It often takes me three days to come up with a comeback for an argument 🙂

  • Reply Anne @ FoodRetro.com October 1, 2015 at 9:02 am

    good god, girl. Who wouldn’t run from that?

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 9:48 am

      lol 🙂

  • Reply Alison October 1, 2015 at 9:32 am

    i am scared too! We totally have this though. I’m rooting for you. You are a great writer!

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 9:49 am

      I got your back too sista!

  • Reply Scarlett B October 1, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    I did my first workout with a trainer and was so fearful before that I almost vomited. Couldn’t sleep the night before and almost cancelled. I hadn’t worked out in years and got myself worked up into a frenzy. Sometimes just the anticipation brings on fear!

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      Good for you for pushing through! I feel that way every week with my trainer 😉

  • Reply Hannah October 1, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    You are hilarious! I love your titles and your images and all your craziness. So glad you’re doing this again with us! You got this!

  • Reply Laura Snow October 1, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    I love this! I feel exactly the same way all the time and I’m damn determined to get over it, take the falls and learn from my mistakes. Except for the bear spider. That’s just creepy!

    • Reply Christine October 1, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Awe thx girl. It’s such a process to get through all of this and i’ll never get over it all but i’m trying! 🙂

  • Reply Nikki October 2, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    I love this post far. too. much. I share so many of the same fears girl. Wine at my place soon?

    • Reply Christine October 2, 2015 at 9:26 pm

      Anytime girl, i’m free next week 🙂

  • Reply Miranda Post October 14, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    Great post – blogging is scary, especially blogging about your fears. And, I think your blog is great. Keep it up.

    • Reply Christine October 27, 2015 at 1:48 pm

      Awe – thanks so much! Trying to get brave enough to do more video, now THAT is scary! 🙂

    Leave a Reply