How to make new friends as an adult

September 2, 2016
How to make friends as an adult

This week, one of my bestiest best besties moved to the Island with her fam. I know it’s not like she moved to say Australia or something (oh wait, another one of my besties DID move there years ago, and another to the Interior, and another to Saltspring – you get the picture) and I know I will still see her as often as I can but it was still a bit soul crushing. You see, she was my Monday morning ride partner and confidante, the one who has known me for 20+ years, the one who battled with me through a decade of competitive Ultimate Frisbee playing, who understood all my ins and outs and ups and downs. She was (is) my “moms and kids” camping partner, drinking buddy, and fellow lover of all things chocolate. She has supported me through my tough times, and I hope I was there for her during her challenging days too.

The rational part of my brain says “you’ll still see her lots and it’s a great excuse to get to Victoria more and see my parents and other friends too” but my heart and soul are crushed because it’s so gosh darn hard to make new friends as adults. Not to mention good mountain bike riding partners too. Sniff.

So what’s a busy, suburb living, middle aged mom to do? How DO you make new friends as an adult?

Well first off there’s the new friend “set-up”. I am thankful that the universe (well ok, it was a mutual bestie that introduced us) delivered me a new biking partner and friend this past Spring so there’s that.

Second, I remember my parents always telling me that the friends they are still “closest” to even now in their 70s are the ones they met through my brother and I while we were in school and through all our various sporting activities. So, low and behold many many years later, I am very lucky to have met some amazing peeps here in the burbs all of whom I have met through our kids soccer and school, some of whom are becoming very very good friends.

Last but not least is the mutual interest new friend – the ones you meet in yoga class, or through blogging, or when you join a running club, a fitness class or take a mountain biking course. The ones that you bond with through the small thread of common interests and/or shared physical pain and hope like heck they like you back, or at least enough to meet for coffee from time to time or go ride bikes 😉

So, my heart still hurts a bit this week but i’ll get by with a little help from my (new) friends.

It's only natural to use this pic of my bestest bestie and I and my new riding buddy in our natural habitat.

It’s only natural to use this pic of my bestest bestie and I and my new riding buddy in our natural habitat.




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  • Reply Megan September 2, 2016 at 9:46 am

    I think there was a Seinfeld episode about this!

    “When you’re in your thirties it’s very hard to make a new friend. Whatever the group is that you’ve got now that’s who you’re going with. you’re not interviewing, you’re not looking at any new people, you’re not interested in seeing any applications. They don’t know the places. They don’t know the food. They don’t know the activities, If I meet a guy in a club on the gym or someplace I’m sure you’re a very nice person you seem to have a lot of potential, but we’re just not hiring right now. Of course when you’re a kid, you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you were a little kid what were the qualifications? If someone’s in front of my house NOW, That’s my friend, they’re my friend. That’s it. Are you a grown up.? No. Great! Come on in. Jump up and down on my bed. And if you have anything in common at all, You like Cherry Soda? I like Cherry Soda! We’ll be best friends!”

    • Reply Christine September 2, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Ha! Love this!

  • Reply Hillary Westover September 2, 2016 at 9:53 am

    I am useless at making new friends so I’m hoping Grady starting school helps me out in this department!

    • Reply Christine September 2, 2016 at 9:25 pm

      I think it will 🙂 Lots of hanging around the playground before and after school is good for bonding with new peeps!

  • Reply Nikki September 2, 2016 at 10:01 am

    Where do I submit my application to be one of your new adult friends? I feel somewhat in the same boat. So hard to meet new friends and so many of the best ones move away. Sigh.

    • Reply Christine September 2, 2016 at 9:23 pm

      Girl. You are so already on the list! When are we having lunch again? Or dare I say running? 🙂

  • Reply Lindsay Gee September 2, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    Love this. I am finding that my new friends are my kids’ parents. Thank God my kids have sweet friends with amazing parents! Also…wine helps.

    • Reply Christine September 2, 2016 at 9:22 pm

      Wine always helps! 🙂

  • Reply Carolyn September 26, 2016 at 8:18 pm

    Read MWF seeks BFF. Funny and real read about just this! Unfortunately from a non-parent perspective, but would totally recommend it 🙂

    • Reply Christine September 27, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      I read that! Great book! 🙂

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