I have never been someone who has felt good about themselves. Not even when I was a 30 pounds lighter, slim hipped, athletic teen did I ever walk around with an air of confidence let alone a teeny weeny bikini. Nope, I was the one in the one piece and the one with a sweater tied around my waist at all times because “my bum looked big in those jeans”. At 16! Ugh!
Sadly, not much has changed.
I often see inspiration articles in my facebook feed from other women who are proudly putting on their bikinis and saying “I don’t care what you think” and I think that is awesome. But that’s not me. And that’s why tomorrow I have a consult with a plastic surgeon downtown.
OH. EM. GEE.
I can’t even tell you the number of times I have picked up the phone to call and cancel the appointment but then I just calm down and remind myself that it’s “just a consult”.
And why the hesitation? Well, of course there’s the fact that’s it’s major surgery and that all surgery has risks. And why would I choose to have an elective procedure done when I should just be thankful for the relatively fit and healthy body I have?! And why the f**K am I being so vain? Oh, and there’s also the little thing about the TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS it might cost as well.
Honestly, I hold no judgement with anyone who wants to look and feel better about themselves and wants to have surgery to fix anything about their bodies they are unhappy with. Especially us moms, whose bodies go through an incredible amount of change through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding (times 2 or 3 or 4…) and have to deal with stretch marks, saggy boobs, loose skin, separated abs and on and on and on. Seriously, i’ll happily give you a high five and a “you go girl!” and bring you casseroles when you are laid up in bed recovering for weeks post surgery.
So why am I going in for a consult? Well, I have written a little bit before about my experience with Diastasis Recti Abdominus (check out the articles here and here ) and what I have been doing to help recover from it over this past year. It’s been a lot of hard, slow work, and things have gotten “better”, but, the bottom line is, you don’t really ever recover from diastasis recti. I have trained my core to function as well as it can despite the the fact that there is still a 3+ cm gap between my abs and my separation will never fully go away without surgical intervention. And as much as I try to be an empowered self confident woman who proudly prances down the beach in her bikini, the truth is that the separation and the surrounding carnage (thanks to an umbilical hernia repair that left me with something that looks like a twinkie lodged under my skin) makes me want to cover myself in a large mumu and hide under the largest rock I can find. And I don’t want to hide anymore!
So, two bits of advice mamas – do yourselves a favour and get checked for diastasis recti and any pelvic floor issues if you haven’t done so already and give yourself the gift of self confidence that you so deserve – whether it’s hiring a trainer, or talking to a psychologist, or getting weekly facials, or going under the knife. Its time to rock that bikini!!