Yesterday I said goodbye to my mom and she headed back to the Island after staying here for the past 2 weeks and it was hard…
Hard of course because I love her and it was so nice to have her here to help with the house and cooking and the kids, but it was hardest of all because I realized that I still really need her.
Yes, I still really need my mom even though I am a mom myself.
I realize today how very lucky I am to have a mom who is still in good health and who is so involved in the lives of her kids and grandkids and who drop everything in her life to come help us if and when she was needed.
And for the past few weeks, I really needed her.
You see, I have been really struggling lately. The post I wrote a few weeks back about my experiences again with panic attacks and anxiety which I thought I had under control, well, turned out I really didn’t and things went south very quickly.
I couldn’t get out of bed for a few days.
I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the house. Just the thought of it made my heart race and my palms sweat and my vision blur.
I felt not-myself, surreal and hyper-aware of every sensation in my body, and at times honestly thought I was losing my mind.
I couldn’t be mom to my kids, and that was the hardest part of all of it.
So I called my mom. And she was there for me no questions asked. And I called my doctor, and I am getting things back on track.
It’s still a long and winding road ahead but I am thankful for making progress, sunshine-y days, all the love and support in my life, and mostly for my mom.